What Steps to Take When an SGO Is Failing: Real Support for Kinship Carers
There was a point where everything felt like it was slipping.
Not in a dramatic, obvious way. It was quieter than that. A slow build of pressure, behaviours escalating, school becoming harder, and home starting to feel less like a place of safety and more like a place of constant firefighting.
We had our Special Guardianship Order. On paper, we had permanence. We had done everything we were supposed to do.
But in reality, we were struggling.
I think one of the hardest parts of kinship care is that gap between what an SGO is meant to provide and what it actually feels like when the support is not there. Because love is not the issue. Commitment is not the issue. The issue is often unmet need.
What changed everything for us was something I did not fully understand at the start. The school offered to put us in touch with the specific SGO social work team.
the SGO Team Changed Everything
Up until that point, I had been going in circles. Speaking to general services, repeating myself, trying to explain the level of need we were dealing with.
Things changed when the school offered to put us forward for the SGO team.
These were professionals who actually understood Special Guardianship. They understood trauma, attachment, and the complexity that often sits behind kinship care. I did not feel like I had to justify everything from the ground up.
They listened. They acknowledged. They Reassured.
And more importantly, they carried out a proper, sensitive assessment of need.
Not a rushed conversation. Not a tick box exercise. An actual, thorough look at what was going on for our child and for our family.
If you are reading this and things feel like they are not working, this is the step I would tell you to take first.
Ask for your local authority’s SGO team. Be specific. Keep asking if you need to.
The Assessment of Needs That Led to Real Support
I remember feeling nervous going into that assessment.
There is always that underlying fear that you will not be believed, or that things will be minimised. But this experience was different.
They saw what we were living.
They recognised the level of need, the challenges at home, the difficulties in school, and the impact on all of us. It felt validating in a way that is hard to explain unless you have been in that position.
That assessment led to something I had only vaguely heard of before. The Adoption Support Fund, which is now also accessible to some children under SGOs.
This is where things began to change.
How the ASGSF Transformed Our SGO
Accessing the Adoption Support Fund through our SGO was not something that was immediately offered.
And this is something I want to be really clear about.
Some councils are reluctant to offer ASGSF support to children under Special Guardianship Orders. You may be told it is not available, or that thresholds are too high.
But if your child has recognised needs linked to trauma, attachment, or early life experiences, you should ask. And if needed, you should insist.
For us, being granted ASGSF funding was transformative.
It meant access to therapeutic support that was actually tailored to our child. Not generic advice, not surface level strategies, but real, consistent, trauma informed intervention.
Over time, this support helped our child regulate more, helped to understand their own emotions, to feel safer, and begin to process what they had been through. It helped us as carers understand how to respond in a way that supported rather than escalated.
It did not fix everything overnight. But over a couple of years, it stabilised our home in a way I honestly did not think was possible at one point.
You Are Allowed to Push for ASGSF
This is something I wish I had known earlier.
You are allowed to push.
If your local authority is hesitant, ask for clear reasons. Ask for policies. Ask for written responses. Ask to speak to the SGO team directly if you have not already.
This is not about being difficult. It is about accessing support that your child may genuinely need.
I had to learn to be persistent without apologising for it.
Because the difference that support made was not small. It changed the trajectory of our SGO.
School Was a Separate Battle
While all of this was happening, school was still a huge challenge.
And this is where I want to be honest. The support we accessed through ASGSF did not automatically fix what was happening in education.
I had to tackle that separately.
If your SGO child is struggling at school, whether that is academically, emotionally, behaviourally, or with attendance, you can request an Education, Health and Care Plan.
An EHCP is not just for one type of need. It is there for children who require additional support to access education.
In our case, I had to start that process myself, which was denied, but then a couple of years later, the school applied, with our support.
Starting the EHCP Process and Not Backing Down
I will not sugar coat this. The EHCP process can be hard.
Many local authorities default to declining applications at the early stages. That does not mean your child does not qualify. It often means you have to push further.
I sought advice from organisations like IPSEA, which was invaluable.
They helped me understand the law around the EHCP. They helped me understand what should be happening, not just what was happening.
And I used that.
Every time I wrote an email, every time I challenged a decision, I referred back to legal guidance. I kept everything in writing. I tracked timelines. I did not let things drift.
It was exhausting, but it was also necessary.
Advocating When the System Says No
There were points where we were told no.
No to assessments. No to support. No to what I knew my child needed. We were also told, you don’t want to label your child - and this shockingly ignorant comment come from the SENDCO teacher.
And this is where I had to shift my mindset.
A no is not always the final answer. Sometimes it is the start of the next step.
If your child meets the threshold, if they are struggling to access education, if their needs are not being met, you are allowed to challenge those decisions.
You are allowed to ask for reconsideration. You are allowed to appeal. You are allowed to bring in advice and support.
I stopped seeing myself as asking for help and started seeing myself as advocating for my child.
The Combination That Stabilised Everything
Looking back, it was not one single thing that changed everything.
It was the combination.
The SGO team who understood what we were dealing with.
The assessment of need that actually reflected our reality.
The ASGSF funding that gave us access to the right therapeutic support.
The EHCP process that, eventually, put proper support in place at school.
Together, those things created stability.
Not perfection. Not an easy path. But stability.
Our home feels different now. There is more understanding, more support, and more capacity to handle the hard days when they come.
If You Are Where I Was
If you are reading this and recognising your own situation in these words, I want you to take this gently but seriously.
Ask for the SGO team.
Request an assessment of needs.
Push for ASGSF if your child qualifies.
Start the EHCP process if school is a struggle.
Seek advice from organisations like IPSEA.
Keep going, even when it feels like you are not being heard.
Because sometimes the system does not offer what is needed straight away. But that does not mean it is not there.
And sometimes, the difference between everything falling apart and things holding together is the right support finally being put in place.
About me
I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business, and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be. I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, TMJD, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid-forties, which still surprises me some days.
You’re not alone here. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.
FAQ: What to Do When an SGO Is Failing
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The first thing I would say is do not sit with it on your own. If your SGO no longer feels stable, you are allowed to ask for help. For me, the turning point was asking to speak directly to the SGO social work team within my local authority. They understood the complexity of kinship care and carried out a proper assessment of needs, which opened the door to real support.
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Yes, you absolutely can. Support should not stop once the order is in place. Children’s needs change over time, especially where there is trauma or neurodivergence. You can request a reassessment of needs at any point, and I would always recommend putting this in writing so there is a clear record.
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The Adoption Support Fund can sometimes be accessed by children under a Special Guardianship Order, particularly where there are therapeutic needs linked to trauma or early experiences. Not all councils offer this easily, but you can ask, and you can push for it. For us, ASGSF funding made a huge difference over time and helped stabilise our family.
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This does happen, and it can feel really disheartening. If you are told no, ask for the reasons in writing. Ask what criteria they are using. Request to speak to the SGO team if you have not already. You are allowed to question decisions and advocate for your child’s needs.
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If your child is struggling to access education, you can request an Education, Health and Care needs assessment through your local authority. You do not have to wait for the school to do this. I started the process myself, and although it was challenging, it was necessary to get the right support in place.
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A refusal is not always the end of the process. Many applications are declined initially. You can challenge the decision, request mediation, or appeal. I found it really helpful to get advice from charities like IPSEA and to reference legal guidance in every communication. It made a difference in how seriously our case was taken.
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In my experience, they run alongside each other but are separate processes. They are managed by different departments. ASGSF provided therapeutic support for us at home, while the EHCP focused on support within education. Both were important, and having both in place created a much more stable environment overall.
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Yes, and it is something I felt deeply. But looking back, it was not about failing. It was about not having the right support in place at the right time. Once we accessed the right help, things began to shift. You can be a committed, loving carer and still need more support.
This post is based on my personal experience of kinship care and navigating an SGO in the UK. It is not legal or professional advice. Support, processes and eligibility can vary between local authorities, so it is always worth seeking guidance specific to your situation.