My Pointless Ramblings: Why I Forget What I Picked My Phone Up For

I do not know exactly when phones stopped being tools and started becoming little attention traps we carry around in our pockets, but lately I have become so aware of how much mental energy mine quietly steals from me every single day.

It usually starts innocently.

I unlock my phone for one simple reason. To check my Sky bill. Reply to a message. Look up an appointment time. Add something to the shopping list.

A tiny task that should take less than a minute.

But the moment my screen lights up, my brain is instantly pulled somewhere else.

There is an unread email notification sitting there. Two Instagram alerts. A Facebook comment. A news notification. A message I forgot to reply to. The little red circles seem to scream at me until I deal with them.

And I cannot seem to ignore them.

Before I do the thing I actually picked my phone up for, I suddenly feel this overwhelming need to clear the notifications first. Not necessarily answer everything properly, but at least open them. Acknowledge them. Make them disappear.

Sometimes I tell myself I will “just quickly clear them”.

But we all know how that goes.

One notification leads to another. I open Instagram to clear a message and suddenly I am watching a reel about someone reorganising their kitchen cupboards. Then another clip starts automatically. Then I spot a post I want to read. Then I remember somebody’s story I meant to reply to three days ago.

Meanwhile, the original task has completely vanished from my brain.

A few minutes later, sometimes much longer if I am honest, I suddenly become aware that I have drifted off course entirely. I close my phone quickly because I feel annoyed with myself for wasting time and energy.

Then the panic hits.

Hold on.

Why did I even unlock my phone in the first place?

Sometimes I remember straight away. Other times I sit there genuinely racking my brain trying to pull the thought back. It feels like trying to catch smoke with your hands.

And when I cannot remember, it genuinely unsettles me more than it probably should.

I think part of it is because my brain already feels overloaded most days anyway.

Living with ME/CFS and chronic illness means I already deal with brain fog, mental fatigue, forgetfulness, and difficulty concentrating. My brain often feels like it has too many tabs open already before I even touch my phone.

Then modern phones add another twenty tabs within seconds.

Every app is designed to pull your attention somewhere else. Notifications are designed to feel urgent. Endless scrolling means there is never a natural stopping point. Even when I go onto my phone with a purpose, I somehow end up being redirected before I can even reach it.

It sounds dramatic talking about a phone this way, but honestly, it feels exhausting sometimes.

Especially because I know I am not alone in it.

I think many of us now live in this strange state of constant low level digital overwhelm. Our brains are carrying unread emails, unanswered messages, reminders, alerts, updates, subscriptions, passwords, appointments, group chats, shopping lists, school notifications, calendar reminders, and random thoughts all at once.

The mental load never really settles.

And for people already dealing with chronic illness, fatigue, anxiety, parenting, caring responsibilities, or simply trying to keep life together, it can feel like one more thing constantly pulling at your attention.

The unread notifications especially seem to trigger something in me.

I know some people can happily leave hundreds of unread emails sitting there without a care in the world. I genuinely wish I had that ability.

I do not.

The notifications sit there in the back of my mind almost buzzing at me until I deal with them. Even if I try to ignore them, I still know they are there. Sometimes I can physically feel my stress levels rise when the numbers build up too much.

So I clear them.

Then somehow I lose twenty minutes of energy I did not really have to spare.

What makes it worse is that the distraction rarely feels intentional.

It is not like I consciously decide to sit and scroll for ages. Most of the time, it happens before I even properly realise I am doing it. It feels automatic now. Like my brain has been trained to react to notifications before my own thoughts.

And honestly, that is probably exactly what has happened.

Phones are built to keep us engaged. Apps are designed to hold our attention for as long as possible. Notifications are designed to bring us back repeatedly throughout the day.

When you combine that with brain fog and mental exhaustion, it becomes very easy to lose track of yourself online without even meaning to.

I also think there is guilt tied into it.

Especially when you live with chronic illness.

Energy is precious. Time matters. Mental focus matters. So when I realise I have accidentally spent half an hour drifting around my phone instead of doing the one important thing I meant to do, I feel frustrated with myself.

Not because I was lazy.

But because my brain genuinely feels hijacked sometimes.

And the strange thing is, I can remember random useless information from ten years ago perfectly well, yet the reason I picked my phone up thirty seconds ago disappears entirely.

It almost feels ridiculous writing it down because it sounds so small, but I know this affects more people than we probably admit out loud.

How many times have we all walked into a room and forgotten why?

Now we are doing it digitally too.

Opening our phones with one clear intention, only to be pulled through five different apps, twelve distractions, and a random video before remembering we originally just wanted to check the weather.

I do not really have a neat solution to this.

I am not writing this as someone who has magically fixed their screen habits or mastered productivity. I still fall into the exact same distraction loop almost daily.

But I think simply noticing it matters.

Being aware that constant notifications affect our attention. Recognising that brain fog and digital overload make each other worse. Understanding that maybe our minds were never designed to process this much constant input all day long.

Lately I have started trying tiny things to help myself.

Sometimes I leave my phone face down when I unlock it with a specific task in mind so I cannot immediately see every notification.

Sometimes I say the task out loud before unlocking my phone, almost like reminding my brain where it is heading.

Sometimes I write the task down first if it is important enough.

And sometimes I still completely forget anyway.

But I am trying to stop blaming myself for it quite so much.

Because maybe the problem is not simply lack of focus.

Maybe modern phones are genuinely overwhelming for tired brains.

And honestly, I think many of us are far more mentally overstimulated than we realise.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business, and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be. I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, TMJD, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid-forties, which still surprises me some days.

You’re not alone here. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.

Written from personal experience living with ME/CFS, brain fog, and chronic illness.