The Reality of Life After a Special Guardianship Order
When people think about Special Guardianship Orders (SGOs), they often focus on the court process itself.
What many don’t realise is that once the Special Guardianship Order is granted, the support you’ve relied on throughout the assessment process can suddenly disappear.
That was certainly our experience.
This isn’t a criticism of the individual social workers we met along the way. We were fortunate to work with some incredibly caring professionals who genuinely wanted the best for our SGO Child.
Instead, this post is about what happened after our Special Guardianship Order was granted, how our relationship with social services changed, and some of the challenges we faced navigating life without that ongoing support.
Before the Special Guardianship Order
Looking back, the assessment process was one of the most emotionally challenging experiences we’ve ever been through.
Initially, the local authority didn’t want our the Child to be placed with us. We were told about concerns regarding whether we would be able to put their needs first, particularly when it came to managing our relationship with the birth parents. We had to demonstrate that we were prepared to set firm boundaries, safeguard the child, and make decisions in the childs best interests, even if that meant upsetting members of the birth family.
At the time, it felt as though we were constantly having to prove ourselves.
It wasn’t until I sought advice from charities specialising in kinship care and children’s rights, and challenged the decision by pointing out that children should, wherever possible, be supported to remain within their wider family network, that the local authority agreed to carry out a full Special Guardianship assessment.
Once the assessment began, another pressure emerged.
From the very beginning, we were repeatedly reminded that the child had also been put forward for adoption. We were told that if, for any reason, our assessment was unsuccessful, they didn’t want the adoption placement to be delayed.
I completely understand that social services have to plan for every possible outcome and make decisions within strict timescales. Looking back now, I can also appreciate that they had to consider every option to ensure the Childs long-term future.
However, as prospective Special Guardians, this created enormous pressure.
It felt as though every meeting, every conversation and every decision carried the weight of whether the child would remain with us or be placed with an adoptive family instead.
Because of that, we felt we had no choice but to comply with everything that was asked of us throughout the assessment. We didn’t question decisions. We didn’t challenge recommendations. We simply wanted to do everything possible to ensure the child could stay within the family.
Only afterwards did I realise just how much emotional strain we had been carrying throughout that process.
After the Special Guardianship Order Was Granted
Once the Special Guardianship Order transition had completed, everything changed almost overnight.
Our case was closed, and we were told something along the lines of:
“You don’t want social services in your life anymore.”
At the time, I understood what they meant and I felt a sense of relief. The purpose of the Special Guardianship Order was for us to become the Childs permanent family, rather than remaining under ongoing social work involvement.
But looking back now, I think there’s an important distinction between not needing statutory intervention and still needing support.
Those are two very different things.
Throughout the assessment process, we’d experienced just how difficult things could be with the Childs birth parents. There were threats, anger, conflict and an enormous amount of hate and pressure directed towards us.
Even after the Special Guardianship Order was made, those challenges didn’t suddenly disappear.
In fact, in many ways, they became harder because we were now managing them alone.
One thing we were reassured about during the assessment was that, because the child would be growing up surrounded by love and stability, they wouldn’t experience trauma in the same way that children often do within the care system.
Sadly, that wasn’t our experience.
Although we could absolutely provide love, security and consistency, trauma doesn’t simply disappear because a child moves into a safe home. As the years went by, it became increasingly clear that our SGO Child was carrying experiences that love alone couldn’t heal. The Child needed specialist therapeutic support alongside the love and stability we could provide.
Whenever we reached out to social services for advice or support, we felt as though there was little more they could offer.
Our case had been closed.
So we carried on.
Like so many Special Guardians, we simply soldiered on because we didn’t know where else to turn.
One situation really highlighted this for us.
When we applied for their first passport under our Special Guardianship Order, HM Passport Office requested additional birth certificates that we simply couldn’t obtain ourselves.
Because we had no way of contacting birth mum, I reached out to the local authority that had previously managed our case, hoping they might be able to help or at least point us in the right direction.
Unfortunately, because our Special Guardianship case had been closed, they explained they couldn’t assist and suggested we would need to instruct a solicitor if we wanted to trace them.
At that moment, it felt as though, once the order had been granted, we were completely on our own.
It also made me realise how many practical challenges can arise years after an SGO is granted, long after the court proceedings have finished.
You can also read about our experience with my post: Applying for a Passport for a Child Under a Special Guardianship Order: Our Experience
Finally Finding the Right Support
Things eventually reached a point where it was clear we couldn’t continue without additional help.
Looking back, one of the biggest turning points wasn’t social services at all.
It was our SGO Childs primary school.
We will always be incredibly grateful for the support they gave us. They saw what was happening, recognised the challenges our SGO Child was facing and understood that our family needed more help.
Rather than accepting that there was no further support available, the school suggested involving CAFCASS to explore what options might still exist.
That recommendation changed everything.
Following their involvement, CAFCASS requested that the Adoption Support Team take over our case from the original local authority.
Thankfully, they agreed.
For the first time, we learned about the Adoption and Special Guardianship Support Fund (ASGSF).
Through that funding, our SGO Child was finally able to access the specialist support our SGO Child desperately needed, including occupational therapy and other therapeutic services that made a genuine difference to our family.
Looking back now, I still feel frustrated that we were never told this support existed.
We didn’t know about the Adoption and Special Guardianship Support Fund.
We didn’t know about specialist post-order services.
We didn’t know about the local support groups and organisations available for Special Guardians.
Had it not been for an observant primary school and professionals willing to advocate for our SGO Child, I’m not sure we would ever have discovered those services.
That experience completely changed my perspective.
I no longer believe that the granting of a Special Guardianship Order is the end of the journey. In many ways, it’s only the beginning. Families often continue to face challenges long after the court case has ended, and knowing where to find the right support can make all the difference.
That’s one of the reasons I now share our family’s experiences.
If another Special Guardian finds this blog while searching for answers, and it helps them discover support sooner than we did, then sharing our story has been worthwhile.
Looking Back
Looking back now, I can appreciate that local authorities work under enormous pressure. Social workers have high caseloads, limited resources and difficult decisions to make every day.
This isn’t about blaming individual social workers. Many of the professionals we met genuinely cared about our SGO Child and wanted the best outcome for them.
What I do think is missing, however, is a smoother transition once a Special Guardianship Order is granted.
For us, it felt as though the focus was entirely on getting the order in place. Once that happened, we were expected to simply get on with family life, despite continuing to face challenges that hadn’t disappeared overnight.
At the time, we believed that once the court granted the Special Guardianship Order, the hardest part was over.
In reality, that was only the beginning.
The court process ended, but the parenting, the trauma, the relationships, the practical challenges and the need for support were only just beginning.
Nobody explained what support might still be available.
Nobody told us about the Adoption and Special Guardianship Support Fund.
Nobody signposted us to local support groups or therapeutic services.
We didn’t need social services to continue managing our lives.
What we did need was someone to say:
“Your case may be closing, but here’s where you can turn if things become difficult in the future.”
That simple conversation could have saved us years of feeling like we were trying to figure everything out alone.
What We Wish We’d Known Earlier
If I could go back and give ourselves some advice at the start of our Special Guardianship journey, it would be this:
You don’t have to struggle on alone. There is support available, even if it isn’t always obvious where to find it.
Connect with other Special Guardians. Speaking to people who truly understand the challenges has been invaluable.
Join local and online support groups. They’ve provided reassurance, practical advice and reminded us that we aren’t the only family facing these challenges.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions or seek a second opinion. As we discovered during our passport application, different professionals can sometimes offer different advice.
Find organisations that specialise in kinship care and Special Guardianship. We only discovered many of these after years of navigating things on our own, and I wish we’d known about them much sooner.
Talk to your child’s school. Our primary school recognised that we needed more support and helped us access services we didn’t even know existed. Without their advocacy, I’m not sure we would have found the help our SGO Child needed.
Perhaps the biggest lesson we’ve learned is this:
Just because your Special Guardianship Order has been granted doesn’t mean you have to face every challenge by yourself. Sometimes the hardest part is simply knowing where to look for the right support.
Every Journey Is Different
Every family’s Special Guardianship journey is different.
Some families receive excellent support from their local authority, while others may find themselves searching for help long after the Special Guardianship Order has been granted.
This post isn’t intended to criticise every local authority or suggest that every Special Guardian will have the same experience we did. It’s simply an honest account of our family’s journey.
Looking back, I’ve learned that becoming a Special Guardian isn’t the end of the story, it’s the beginning of a new chapter. The court proceedings may come to an end, but the realities of parenting a child who has experienced trauma, navigating relationships with birth family, and finding the right support continue long afterwards.
If there’s one message I’d like other Special Guardians to take away from our experience, it’s this:
Don’t be afraid to keep asking questions, seek out specialist support and connect with other Special Guardians. If one door closes, another may open. We only discovered the help that transformed our family’s journey because a school was willing to advocate for our SGO Child when we didn’t know where else to turn.
If sharing our story helps just one Special Guardian find the support they need a little sooner than we did, then writing this post will have been worthwhile.
I’d genuinely love to hear about your own experiences. Did you feel supported after your Special Guardianship Order was granted, or did your journey take a different path? Please feel free to share your story in the comments below.
About me
I am a married mother of four children. One of those four children is our granddaughter, for whom we are SGO (legal guardians)/kinship carers. I run a small business and enjoy writing, so I blog. My blog focuses on my family life as well as my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. Oh, and I am only in my mid-40s.
