Giving Up on New Friendships Was the Best Thing I Did
Why I’ve Embraced Contentment With My Inner Circle Amid Chronic Illness
Living with chronic illness has shaped my life in ways I never could have imagined. Over the years, I’ve navigated the unpredictable reality of ME/CFS, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia, facing challenges that tested my resilience and reshaped my priorities. One of the biggest shifts along this journey has been how I view friendship.
There was a time when I thrived on meeting new people, forming connections, and expanding my social circle. I loved the energy of it. But as my health declined and managing my conditions grew heavier, I slowly began pulling back. I started choosing rest, boundaries, and self-care over social obligations. It wasn’t a deliberate choice at first. It unfolded naturally as I realised my energy was limited and precious, and I needed to spend it wisely.
As I dealt with both the physical and emotional weight of chronic illness, I began to rethink what friendship truly meant. Some relationships faded, often because of misunderstandings or the growing gap in lived experiences. Others surprised me by deepening. Through health setbacks and the isolation that so often comes with chronic illness, I found steady comfort in my inner circle, my husband and my family.
My husband is my best friend and my constant. He has been my rock through the darkest moments. His patience, compassion, and unwavering love carried me when I felt like I was falling apart. What we share goes far beyond friendship. It is a bond shaped by hardship, strengthened through shared experience, and rooted in deep respect and understanding.
I am also incredibly lucky to have a lifelong bestie. We have been friends for more than forty years, since we were tiny toddlers. Together, we share a close circle of friends. We go out for breakfast or lunch, spend time with our kids, and simply do life together. Our children all get along, and there is an ease and familiarity that comes from decades of shared history.
My adult son’s girlfriends have become an important part of this circle as well. They genuinely enjoy spending time with us, whether it’s going to the theatre, sharing a meal, or simply gossiping about their workdays. Because I am often bedridden, they will come up and sit on my bed just to be with me. They bring small, thoughtful gifts to lift my spirits, and their efforts never go unnoticed. Their kindness, attention, and genuine connection make me feel incredibly lucky and deeply appreciated.
My family has been another constant source of comfort and strength, especially my four children and my mum. Their unconditional love has provided me with a place where I can be truly myself. I don’t have to perform wellness or explain my limits. I am not measured by productivity or what I can no longer do. I am simply accepted, exactly as I am, deserving of love and dignity regardless of my health. We also share a close bond with my husband's sister and brother-in-law. We often get together, have a game night, order takeaway, and just enjoy a laugh.
Looking back on how chronic illness has reshaped my friendships, I’ve come to deeply appreciate the contentment I feel within my inner circle. While the idea of new friendships still holds a quiet appeal, I no longer feel driven to seek them out. The trust, understanding, and companionship I share with my husband, my best friend, and my family is more fulfilling than anything surface-level could ever offer.
In a world that often glorifies constant socialising, extroversion, and external validation, I have found peace in the quiet moments with those who know me best. The laughter around the dinner table. The comfortable silence of a slow Sunday afternoon. The simple squeeze of a hand when pain flares. These small, meaningful moments have sustained me through illness, uncertainty, and grief.
So in this season of life, I choose gratitude. I choose depth over breadth. I may have stopped looking outward for new connections, but in doing so, I’ve discovered an abundance of peace, joy, and belonging within the relationships I already hold close. And for that, I am truly grateful.
Life is a tapestry woven with love and connection, and even in the quiet corners where chronic illness lives, I have found warmth, beauty, and belonging.
In the gentle embrace of my inner circle, I have found home.
About me
I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be. I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid-forties, which still surprises me some days.
