Finding Support as an SGO or Kinship Carer

How to Find Support as an SGO or Kinship Carer

There is a moment that most special guardianship and kinship carers recognise instantly. It is the quiet realisation that life has shifted on its axis. One day you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling or family friend. The next you are navigating school runs, trauma responses, social workers, court paperwork and a level of emotional responsibility you never planned for. You love the child fiercely, without question, but you are also tired in a way that seeps into your bones.

If you are an SGO carer or a kinship carer in the UK, you are not alone. Even when it feels like you are.

Kinship care and special guardianship (SGO) are growing across the UK. More children are being raised within their families or close friends, rather than entering foster care, and while that is often the best outcome for children, the support structures around carers have not caught up. Many kinship carers find themselves holding everything together with very little information, financial support or emotional backup. This post is about finding support as an SGO or kinship carer, because surviving is not the same as being supported.

The invisible weight of kinship care

One of the hardest parts of being a kinship carer is how invisible it can feel. Friends may assume you have simply taken on a caring role willingly, without understanding the trauma that often sits beneath it. Professionals may assume you are coping because you stepped in. Family dynamics can fracture under the pressure, especially when the child’s parents are still involved in some way.

Many fellow kinship carers tell us in the Kinship community that they feel guilty for struggling. After all, the child has been through so much worse. But caring for a child who has experienced loss, abandonment, neglect, or abuse is emotionally complex. Love does not cancel out exhaustion. Commitment does not erase trauma.

If this resonates, you might find comfort in my post about living in survival mode as a kinship carer, where I talk honestly about burnout, compassion fatigue, and the constant feeling of being on edge.

Understanding your legal status and rights

Support starts with understanding where you stand legally. Special Guardianship Orders and informal kinship care are not the same, and the level of support you are entitled to can vary significantly.

If you have an SGO, your local authority has a duty to assess your support needs. This can include financial support, therapeutic help for the child, parenting training and respite. In reality, many carers are not told this or are discouraged from asking (as I was originally). It is worth pushing for a Special Guardianship support assessment even if you have had your order for years.

If you are caring informally without a legal order, support can be harder to access, but not impossible. You may still be entitled to kinship care allowances, pupil premium plus for the child, and access to early help services.

Knowing your rights is not about being difficult. It is about protecting yourself so you can continue to protect the child.

Financial support and practical help

Money is one of the biggest stressors for kinship carers. Many give up work or reduce hours overnight. Savings disappear fast. Home extensions needed (as in our case), clothing, bed, wardrobes, etc., etc.. Costs increase in ways people do not expect, from school uniforms to therapy to simply feeding another human in a cost of living crisis.

Depending on your circumstances, you may be entitled to a Special Guardianship allowance, child benefit, child tax credit, universal credit, council tax reduction and disability related benefits if the child has additional needs. And, Child Maintenance from the birth parents. Schools can also provide support through pupil premium plus, which can fund counselling, mentoring or additional learning support.

If finances are keeping you awake at night, you are not failing. The system is complex and often opaque by design. You might find my post on the hidden costs of kinship care useful, where I break down what support is available and how to apply.

Emotional support and mental health

Kinship carers experience high levels of stress, anxiety and depression, yet are often overlooked when it comes to mental health support. You may feel like you have to be the strong one. The safe one. The adult in the room at all times.

But you are human first.

Talking to someone who understands kinship care can be life changing. This might be through peer support groups, online communities, counselling or therapy. Some local authorities offer funded therapeutic support as part of SGO support plans, and some charities provide free or low cost counselling for kinship carers.

Online communities can also be a lifeline, especially when you feel isolated. Being able to say this is hard and have someone respond with I get it can stop you spiralling. I talk more about the importance of being seen and believed as a carer in this post.

Support for the child in your care

Children in kinship care often carry invisible wounds. They may struggle with attachment, emotional regulation, sleep, behaviour at school or relationships with peers. Traditional parenting advice often falls flat, leaving carers feeling judged and inadequate.

Support for the child might include trauma informed therapy, play therapy, CAMHS, school based interventions or mentoring. It can take persistence to access these services, and waiting lists are long, but they matter.

Schools can be powerful allies. Make sure the school understands the child’s background and legal status. Ask about trauma informed approaches and pastoral support. Advocate for reasonable expectations rather than punishment based behaviour management.

If you are dealing with challenging behaviour and feeling at the end of your tether, you are not alone. I wrote about parenting children with trauma through a kinship lens.

Finding your people

One of the most healing things you can do as a kinship carer is find people who understand your reality. Not just parents. Not just carers. But kinship carers.

There is something uniquely complex about loving a child who is connected to loss within your own family. About holding grief, anger, loyalty and love all at once. About navigating birthdays, contact arrangements and family events that feel like emotional minefields.

Peer support groups, whether local or online, can reduce isolation and shame. Charities such as Kinship offer support groups, advice lines and resources specifically for kinship carers in the UK. You deserve spaces where you do not have to explain yourself.

Giving yourself permission to ask for help

Perhaps the hardest part of all is allowing yourself to ask for help. Many kinship carers step in during a crisis and never stop. The adrenaline fades but the responsibility remains.

Asking for support does not mean you are weak. It means you are sustainable.

Support can look like practical help with childcare, professional advocacy with schools or social services, financial assistance, or simply someone listening without judgement. You are allowed to want more than survival. You are allowed to want moments of rest, joy and identity beyond caregiving.

If you are reading this and feeling seen, I hope you know this. What you are doing matters. It is hard. It is often lonely. And you should not have to do it without support.

My blog exists because our stories deserve space. Because kinship carers deserve to be heard. And because sometimes the most radical thing you can do is say this is heavy and I need help carrying it.

You are not failing. You are showing up. And that counts more than you know.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business, and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be. I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid-forties, which still surprises me some days.

You’re not alone here. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.