SEN Friendship Things I Want My Child to Know About Friendship

There are things I want my child to know about friendship that I wish someone had told me clearly, without sugar coating, especially because the world is not always kind to people who experience it differently.

Not everyone is going to like you. That is not a failure. It is not something you need to fix. Some people will not understand you, your communication style, your boundaries, or how you move through the world. That does not make you too much or not enough. It just means you are not for them.

Not everyone is going to include you. That hurts, and I will never pretend it does not. But being excluded does not mean you are unworthy of friendship. Sometimes it simply means you are in the wrong space with the wrong people.

You will never regret being kind. Kindness does not mean forcing yourself to be social when you are overwhelmed or agreeing to things that drain you. Real kindness includes being kind to yourself.

If you constantly have to monitor everything you say or do so that someone does not get annoyed, embarrassed, or uncomfortable, that is not friendship. You should not have to mask who you are just to be tolerated.

You get to choose your friends. Choose the people who choose you back, not just when it is convenient for them, but consistently.

Have high standards for friendship. You are allowed to want honesty, patience, and respect. At the same time, remember that people make mistakes. So will you. What matters is accountability and effort, not perfection.

Be yourself. That includes your interests, your intensity, your quietness, your humour, and your way of thinking. The right people will not need you to dilute that. Let others be themselves too, even when they are different from you.

Friendship is a skill, not a popularity contest. If you want friends, you also have to learn how to be a friend. That means practising communication, checking in, and caring even when it does not come naturally.

You do not have to wait for other people to reach out first. You are allowed to invite, to message, and to say I like you and I want to spend time with you. Rejection hurts, but silence hurts more.

Listening matters. Sometimes listening means paying attention even when you do not know what to say. Sometimes it means asking for clarity instead of assuming.

If you want friends to show up for the big moments, you need to show up for the small ones too. A message. A check in. Remembering something that matters to them.

Do not leave people out on purpose. Being excluded cuts deeply, especially when you already feel different.

Gossip is lazy and harmful. It creates false connection at someone else’s expense. You deserve better than that.

Drama feeds on reaction. You are allowed to step away, mute, block, or disengage. Protecting your nervous system is not weakness.

You cannot be close friends with everyone. That is okay. But you can be respectful. You can acknowledge people. You can make others feel human, even if they are not your people.

A few real friends are worth more than lots of shallow ones. Always.

Chasing popularity will not give you safety or belonging. It only teaches you to perform.

Your worth does not come from how many people like you. It comes from knowing who you are and accepting yourself, even on the days that feels hard.

Give generously in friendship, but never make yourself smaller to keep someone around. You are not here to be used.

Pay attention to how your friends treat others. If they are kind to your face but cruel behind someone else’s back, that behaviour will eventually reach you too.

Be loyal. Stand up for your friends when it matters, not just when it is easy.

Friendships are not disposable. Real connection takes time, effort, and patience. It grows slowly.

Show up when your friends are struggling, even if you are unsure what to do. A message, sitting quietly, or a small gesture can mean more than perfect words.

If I ever feel uneasy about someone in your life, trust that it comes from care and instinct, not control. We can always talk it through.

Friendship is one of the most important things you will ever invest in. It deserves time and intention.

And when friendship hurts, because sometimes it will, I am here. Always. For listening, for comfort, for space. Take the time you need to heal, but do not shut yourself off forever. Your heart is allowed to open again, and it will be worth it.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business, and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be. I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, TMJD, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid-forties, which still surprises me some days.

You’re not alone here. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.

FAQ: Friendship Advice for SEN Children

• What are the most important friendship lessons for SEN children?

  Friendship is about safety, kindness, and respect. I want my child to know that being themselves, having boundaries, and choosing friends who choose them back is far more important than popularity or trying to fit in.

• How can I help my child build safe and supportive friendships?

  Encourage them to notice who respects their boundaries, listens to them, and shows consistent kindness. Teach them that friendships take time and effort and that it is okay to step away from people who drain or hurt them.

• How do I explain boundaries and kindness to my child?

  Boundaries are not walls—they are information about what feels safe and fair. Kindness includes treating others well but also being kind to themselves, speaking up, and not tolerating behaviour that makes them uncomfortable.

• How can SEN children handle being left out or excluded?

  Being left out is painful, but it does not reflect their worth. I encourage my child to focus on the people who include them, the friendships that feel genuine, and to continue being kind and respectful even if others are not.

• What should I do if my child is struggling with friendship challenges?

  Listen, validate their feelings, and provide guidance without pushing. Remind them that it is okay to take time, heal, and open their heart again when ready. Supporting them consistently shows that friendship is important, but their self-worth is permanent.

Disclaimer: I am not a qualified expert. This FAQ is based on my own experiences as a parent and what I have learned while raising my child. It reflects personal insight, not professional advice.